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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  September 22, 2015 1:36am-2:10am PDT

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to put on my chili con carnival. so that i could tell you personally about your parents' demise. and of course, feed you your chili. do you like it? do you like it, scott? i call it... "mr. and mrs. tenorman chili." - oh, my god! oh, my god! - ♪ nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah ♪ ♪ i made you eat your parents ♪ ♪ nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah ♪ - jesus christ, dude! - my mom and dad are dead! no, no! - ah, excuse me? - who are you? - we're that band, radiohead. - jeez, what a little crybaby. - you gonna cry all day, crybaby? - you know, everyone has problems. it doesn't mean you have to be a little crybaby about it. - come on, guys, let's go. this kid is totally not cool. - yeah, that's the most uncool kid i've ever met. - little crybaby. - no, wait! wait! oh, my god! oh, my god! - yes! yes!
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oh, let me taste your tears, scott. mmm, your tears are so yummy and sweet. - dude, i think it might be best for us to never piss cartman off again. - good call. - oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness. mmm, yummy, yummy, you guys. yibbidy-bip-- that's all, folks! captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> larry: tonightly, donald trump is under fire for not correcting a supporter who said obama's a muslim. though in trump's defense, he does think obama's a muslim.
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what are you going to do? ben carson son refuses to apologize after saying a muslim shouldn't be president. i haven't seen a doctor double down on a bad idea like that since human centipede 2. >> it's a bad idea. and i have a soul fooled sitdown with democratic hopeful bernie sanders. spoiler amert. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: yes. alert, alert. things got ugly when mr. socialist wouldn't share his coleslaw. chomp on this, america, it's time for the nightly show! let's do this! captioning sponsored by comedy central [ cheers and applause ] >> larry:. >> larry: thank you very much.
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thank you very much. such a great crowd. please, please, please. thank you so much. welcome to the nightly show. oh, thank you. don't you think, thank you, you are welcome, it's a cycle that never ends. thank you, you are welcome. i am larry wilmore. before we get started, congrats to jon stewart and the gang over at the daily show for their three emmy wins last night. that is well deserved. i am so honored to have been a part of that whole group. oh, also, viola davis became the first black woman -- [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: did you hear about that? she is the first black woman to win the emmy for outstanding lead actress in a drama. man. that is awesome. that can't possibly be true. the first black woman? i mean, emmys have been around for what like 67 years, you guys.
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jesus. well, better late than never, right? hollywood, finally, when you think of drama, you will think of black women -- wait, hold on. that didn't -- i didn't mean it like that. i am not saying that when you think of drama you will think of black women. i mean, look, when you think about a show of drama -- oh, wait. i am still staying it wrong. hollywood, stop twisting my words! just hire more black women, and congratulations, viola davis, all right? [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: but the 20ed glass ceiling is just one of the problems this country is facing. another problem was highlighted during a q & a session at a donald trump rally on thursday. >> we have a problem in this country. it's called muslims. we know our current president is one. you know he's not even an american. >> larry: fall is in the air. fall is in the air. that means pumpkin spiced lattes
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and racist town hall idiots. these guys come out all the time during election season, and have crazy questions. and if you are a candidate with a strong moral compass you will shushut them down like john mccn did seven years ago when someone tried to do a similar thing to obama. >> i can't trust obama. i have read about him and he is not -- he is not -- he's, up, he is an arab. he is not -- >> no, ma'am. no, ma'am. he, uh, he's a decent family man, citizen. [ applause ] >> larry: see how easy that was? someone says something objectively incorrect you just say, nope, no, no, ma'am. no, no. no. no. no. no. >> >> of course, mccain kind of implies with his answer that being a decent family man and an arab are mutually exclusive, but
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whatever. by the way for more on my thoughts on 28 politics, check out the blog i had at the time. oh, that dancing baby. i couldn't get out of that. all right, trump. so you know how this works. shut this guy down. >> >> we need this question -- this the first question, but anyway, we have training camps growing where they want to kill us. >> uh-huh. >> that's my question. when can we get rid of them? >> we are going to be looking at a lot of different things. a lot of people are saying that and bad things are happening out there, we will look at that and plenty of other things. >> larry: just checking. is one of the things you are going to be looking at, not getting rid of all muslims? because we are going to be looking at it isn't really a
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substantive answer. 50eu78 going to be honest even if i was a racist guy i would be mad at that answer. i would like, wait, so are we killing the muslims or not? i am not -- what are we doing, trump? what are we doing? but, trump, he seems so unphased by this guy. almost amused by him, in contrast look at the reaction on the face of this woman in the crowd. >> we have a upon in this country. it's called muslims. >> larry: i am with you, yikes face lady. but what did you expect at a trump rally? the guy spent millions of dollars looking for obama's kenyan birth certificate. i mean this muslim conspiracy nonsense is in trump's nature, like that classic fable the scorpion and the frog. i didn't read it, but i think
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the gist is that the scorpion thinks the frog is a muslim and he stings him. it's a good story. >> what's funny is that this isn't the most offensive anti-muslim comment a republican candidate made this weekend. so you might want to keep those yikes muscles loose, yikes lady. you are going to need them. i give you republican candidate and sleeper agent ben carson son. >> should a president's faith matter? should your faith matter to voters? >> well, i guess it depends on what that faith is. but if it fits within the realm of america and consistent with the constitution, no problem. >> larry: hmm. what faith could you be talking about? >> so do you believe that islam is consistent with the constitution? >> no, i do not. i would not advocate that we put a muslim in charge of this nation. i absolutely would not agree with that. >> larry: you know, it was
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teddy roosevelt who once said his policy was to speak softly and carry a big stick. i think ben carson son's policy is speak softly and act like a big dick. i really do. i do. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: i think that's what wt it is. so this is a religion that fits within the realm of america what what does that even mean? america was founded honestly religious freedom and tolerance. it's a big mace with people of a lot of faiths, jewish, christian, stik, muslim, mormon, snake handlers, scientologists wiccans, rastas, hell we even have a guy on our staff who worships the noid, the infamous enemy of hot pizzas everywhere. isn't that guy a problem when you are trying to have a staff pizza party but his religion tells him that fresh hot pizza is a sin? yes, of course he is.
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i am catholic so like most of you i was raised to avoid the noid, right? i was. that's how i was raised. in my church, and in my home, we like our pizza piping hot. but far be it from me to tell that staffer that he can't bow to the altar of his cold pizza god. because that's what makes this nation great, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: hmm. so i love that i into. >> got this audience to clap to the noid. so regardless of your religion or preference for hot pizza, any citizen can run for president. so let me keep it 100. this is islamophobia and it's unamerican. we will be right back. we will be right back. [ cheers and applause
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left twix® is extra crisp so it stays crunchy when we apply caramel and chocolate. >>right twix has the same thing. they have packing tape like that over at right twix? try both. pick a side. twix (hooves on gravel) i gotta ask, man. what's it like living without the internet? (snap) it's alright. i just get photos of your mom through the mail. snap into a slim jim!
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now that you have switched to what do you eat?ast this is the bacon egg and cheese biscuit taco. it's warm and it's fluffy. i'm from the south and i know biscuits. my name is olivia. and i am a breakfast defector. [sfx: bong] it sounded like a beer crazy dream at the time, but i was set on becoming a brewmaster. i traveled to belgium to earn my phd in brewing and in the process discovered my love for belgian wits. this would be the inspiration for the first beer we brewed in denver... blue moon belgian white. the slightly sweet valencia orange peel and creamy oats in the beer were my twist on a traditional belgian wit. and seeing people still enjoying it that's why we brew.
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kids, juicy fyeah.gum with starburst flavors? (mmm...) (mmm...) (zipper noise) (zipper noise) (baby rattle shaking) juicy fruit so sweet you can't help but chew.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> larry: welcome back. well, it's time once again for the soul food sitdown.
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that's when i share a meal with a presidential candidate and we talk about the issues. now last friday i chatted with the pan currently leading the democratic primaries in iowa and new hampshire. please enjoy vermont senator bernie sanders on the soul food sitdown. >> larry: there are surgeons in the polls right now. that is great you are on the cover of times magazine. who would have knew. >> larry: you were on cbs morning show. you are on fire, bernie. this is like the year people are anticipating firsts. >> first woman president, we already have the first black president, bill clinton. we just had the first muslim president. i never thought i would see that. >> and wasn't even born in america. >> larry: first kenyan and muslim president. do you think america is ready for the first socialist president?. >> yes, i do, i do. i think we
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understand the, what democratic socialism means. >> larry: what is democratic socialism. >> it is learning from countries like denmark, sweden, norway, who have free healthcare for all of the people, free college education for all of their people. >> larry: is that their way of keeping them in finland? keep it 100. do you think people are afraid of the word socialism. >> they hear socialism, oh, sociasocialism of what. are you going to take my delved egg deviled egg? >> no what it is .. >> by the way, socialism takes fantastic. >> you like this. >> >> larry: you are a very interesting candidate because you are really one of a kind. we never had a jewish president, that we know of, right? you know what i am saying. you may be the oldest person ever to become president. you are 74? >> yes. if you became president god forbid something does, i am a trying to keep it 100 would you
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be comfortable with a weekend at bernie situation? where, to get you through the rest of the administration? >> i think the good news is, i have been blessed with good health. >> larry: if you could just do this, jus just in case, could yu just put these sunglasses on? just in case we have to do the weekend at bernie thing. >> that is awesome. how is that? that is fantastic. oh, that is awesome. yes. >> you can keep those. >> you know, this was horrible, bernie, you were making a speech and some people from black lives matter just interrupted you. >> uh-huh. >> larry: i will be honest with you. i hate it when black people interrupt me. so what do you think would be a good way to get black people to feel the person? >> i will say that the issues -- >> larry: it is so horrible that thing could happen anyway, interrupting people is just the rudest thing, but anyway, go
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ahead. i am sorry. >> you interrupted me again. i know you are going to do it. >> larry: that is very rude. >> larry: you may have to do things you are uncomfortable with. i am sorry. >> end institutional racism in this country and more. we have to deal with real criminal justice reform. >> larry: you could say my plan is for criminal justice reform and help the black community, they are unfreak. >> unfreak? okay. >> larry: unfreak. my plans for criminal justice reform are unfreak. >> larry wilmore says i should tell you that my plan for criminal justice is unfreak. on my way now. >> larry: okay. so, the guy who is making all the noise right now is donald
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trump. i don't know why donald trump is winning right now but i do have one theory if you take everything else away you know what he has nobody else has? a hat. have you seen the hat? make america great again. corniest hat i have ever seen, but bernie i think if you get a hat i think that's the way to get people to hear your message. >> i am open to -- >> larry: here is the thing. a lot of problems in america right now, a lot of things people can't agree on. i simply can agree on one thing. >> what is that? >> larry: black-eyed peas matter. all right? >> there you go. >> larry: here you go, bernie. >> and you think this will take me -- >> larry: that will bring america together. and just to be clear i am not talking about the black eyed peas because they don't really matter anymore, i am talking about actual black eyed peas. i just want to make that clear. thanks a lot, bernie. >> thank you, larry. >> larry: feel the person, everybody, feel the person.
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bern. bern. >> thanks for, (door bell rings) trick or treat! mmm! thank you! mmm! mmm! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ lunch? ♪
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only t-mobile gives you coverage and calling in three countries for the price of one. switch today. ♪ [ male announcer ] give extra. get extra. >> larry: welcome back. i am here with my panel, nightly show contributor, robin thede. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: and comedian and radio host, cipha sounds. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: and his new album, the documentary 2, rapper, the game. >> this is what we have wanted
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to talk about, very excited, a lot of commentary about cultural appropriation. we have talked about this in some way before but when a dominant culture borrows from a minority culture, for example, kylie jenner wearing cornrows and iggy azalea rapping. >> but anyway -- the rapping. >> does anybody have a problem with this idea of appropriation is it offensive or flattery? what do we think about it? >> you know, when it comes with the kardashians it is like could we make a deal? you can keep all the black hairstyles if you give us some of the black men back. i don't know what people are so upset about. like they get mad at miley cyrus distinguishing like we are offended that she stole our stripper dances? you know what i am saying like we need better things to get offended about. they took our stripper dances.
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are you offended when you see people -- >> i think that personally, i think that it is really ignorant when people get mad because someone cornrows their hair. i mean, if they like it, who cares if it was -- who had it first and who did it. i don't understand that. >> larry: isn't it a good thing to borrow from other cultures? who would be the most upset at this type of thing? because you have a lot of friends i know get upset over this? >> i do, i do, and it is very hard, like it is hard -- a lot of my friends and i have like the only black friends in certain circles and how do i use track queen and you are like -- i don't want to go there. i don't want to -- right so, you know, you just kind of look the other way but i think, i think the people that get the most mad maybe are people who didn't get the, to sign for it when they did it. you were a little black girl and didn't get the cornrows and they made fun of us when we did it and now kardashians, they make
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it high fashion. >> larry: and some people think just some things are offensive to take from other cultures, that part -- all of these things make me laugh, like first of all, katy perry, agee shah. >> a geisha. >> .. is that offensive or not? >> katy perry is offensive. >> oh! >> i like katy perry. >> larry: what do you think? >> i have been in japan a lot and like they take a lot of our culture and like they appreciate the culture and they have -- >> larry: we are going to start dressing like geishas now. and selena gomez in a bindi. >> okay that is just kind of wrong to me. >> see, i just feel like maybe she had acne that day and they got creative.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> right? i will butt this all over my face. i don't care. >> larry: okay. what about other parts of the culture like on the tv show blackish. >> they are doing a show about the n word, how do you feel about white kids who grew up maybe on your music, and just want to n word n word n word? >> and in la we have a strong hispanic, you know, population, and they are getting americanized as the years go on and on and i have been walking down the street and people are like, gang -- you know what i am saying? yeah, i mean -- what's up? i mean -- >> larry: you think 100 years from now i it will be a regular greeting? >> i tell you when i was ten years old. >> it might. i think when i was ten i would
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have like -- these days man, everybody is just kind of -- everybody -- >> larry: 100 years from now, like heads of state what is up my (bleep). >> i think they still -- they still get a kick out of it. i think know people are like -- they are like -- we just -- my (bleep) problem is with white people using black emojis. >> let me tell you. into. >> no, no, wait. >> don't use a black emoji. >> thank you. >> larry: wait! wait! wait! >> no, no, you wait. you are walking down the street and they say hey, my (bleep). and black people are like (bleep), (bleep).
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[ cheers and applause ]. >> i am just saying. >> i got the black emoji. i really am specific about passing over -- i need to find my shade. this is my shade you know what i am saying? >> my shade is like two shades from the acon 1. >> i find that -- >> and using the same black thumbs up. we have ting pick our color. >> a white person, your shade, yeah. >> this is a big problem, america. you know what i am saying? forget about -- >> you can use a puerto rican emoji. there is one. >> the one next to white is
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puerto rican. >> larry: all right. we will be right back. [ cheers and applause ] >> if you are in new york city come see the show. go to i'm here to prove once and for all that i am the real colonel sanders. ok, just a couple test questions. is this $20 family fill up meal enough delicious hand prepared food to feed a family of four? yes sir, it is. mmhmm. and are you the real colonel sanders? yes... [buzzing] it's finger lickin' good.
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not much has changed. this is except.... it responds to the pressure of your finger. so you can peek into stuff. and pop stuff open. which changes how you play a song. read a text. read an email. read the news. wait, you read the news? kid: yep of course you do. now you can change apps like this. pay at more places like this. and the new color looks like this... it's rose gold, it's awesome. and siri is more helpful than ever. bill hader: hey siri, show me photos of tortellini. siri: here are some images of tortellini... maybe get take out? the camera shoots 4k video now, which changes how your movies look. nice... even selfies have changed. now your screen is the flash. that's gonna get, like, a million likes. selena gomez: thanks.
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actually, photos themselves have changed. they move now. you just touch them. so yeah, that's what's changed. ♪ early on, i noticed peoplealways serving our beer with lemons-- kinda like a traditional belgian wit. but we brewed blue moon belgian white with valencia orange peel for a subtle sweetness. that's when i got the idea for the orange garnish. so what i would do was bring bags of oranges to bars and show bartenders how to garnish our beer. people loved it. and when they realized it brought out the orange peel in the beer, they loved it even more. you could say the orange on top, brought it all together. which means you can watch movies while you're on the move. sitcoms, while you sit on those. and even fargo, in fargo! binge, while you lose weight! and enjoy a good cliffhanger while you hang from a...
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why am i yelling? the revolution will not only be televised. the revolution will be mobilized. introducing the all in one plan. only from directv and at&t. >> larry: okay. that's our show. i want to thank our panelists, robin thede, cipha sounds, and the game. and my thanks to person for joining me in a soul food sitdown. careful with your emojis, everyone. good nightly, 10:59 seconds, this happened on emmys.com today, the emmy awards from last night and congrats, first of all, huge congrats to jon stewart and amy schumer who
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